Life with More Bliss

Ok, I set myself up on this blog as the one to post about fitness, but here I am to show you that I am well rounded! Here is my first parenting post.

     When I was growing up, I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. I had baby dolls coming out of every nook and cranny, and all of the supplies to go with it. I secretly loved when my friends' younger siblings cried, because I loved to cuddle them back to smiles. 

     When I became a mom, I was sure that I would be the best mom that ever existed.  I had a wonderful mom who supported, loved, snuggled, and loved me some more. She was a good example of how to be a nurturer. So, I figured I would only improve on that already great foundation of motherhood. 

     I soon learned that I was the most patient, loving mom ever! My wee babe grew and grew, and I continued to prove myself right: I was the best! I never yelled, I never spanked. I never really needed to, because wouldn't you know? My child just happened to be the sweetest baby/toddler in the world, too! How convenient. All joking aside, I litterally surprised myself daily by the extreme amount of patience I possessed. I was so excited that I was going to be the only mom in the history of moms that never yelled at her children!

Enter baby number two...

     I soon found myself stretched more than I could have ever imagined. My exhausted body wanted nothing more than uninterrupted sleep, so asking me to read or help get a bowl of cereal was way more than could have been expected of me. My sweet, angel of a two-almost-three-year-old drastically changed...overnight, so it seemed. She was so demanding and began wearing down my patience. I mean, come on! Get your own dang quesadilla! I began *ahem* yelling. It wasn't my fault! The child drove me to it! I couldn't control myself. Never mind that I could go from cooing and oohing in my baby's face, to yelling my at my oldest, and back to cooing in a matter of seconds. That had nothing to do with my self control. *sigh* (Did you read that in the sarcastic, fececious tone with which I meant it? I hope so!) 

     I quickly learned that I was NOT the most patient mother in the world. Caring? Yes. Loving? Absolutely. Patient? Not even close. It quickly spiraled out of control to the point that I felt that no one, not even my sweet husband, would respond to me unless I yelled. I felt this way for a long time. The whole dynamic of our family changed from warm and kind to demeaning and cold. I had tried to change many times, but it seemed hopeless. I felt like nothing ever worked for me. That I was too far gone. That I had already ruined my children. I have been known to admit to my husband and close friends that I wasn't enjoying being a mom. That the good moments were so rare, I couldn't even use them to buoy me up  during the rough ones. I was seriously feeling miserable. (I hope you all realize that this is very hard for me to admit, but admitting brings about realizations, which brings about change.)

     One day, just recently, I was finally pushed to realize and change my bad behaviors FOR GOOD when my sweet 4 year old said to me, "Mommy, will you be a nice mommy today? I don't like it when you are mean. It scares me." What? I scare my child? That was not the mom I was supposed to be! And then, on a separate occasion, not long after, my sweet girl was carrying her baby, pretending it was crying, and instead of shushing and loving that dolly, she yelled at it. I cried. And cried. And cried. I told my child that I was a bad mom. That she deserved better. I finally realized that it was not anyone else's fault and that I absolutely could control the way I reacted to everything, and that I HAD TO.

pinterest.com

     I decided to put into action all of the things I had been reading concerning yelling and how to stop. I actually read a lot off the Orange Rhino website (I highly recommend it). She gives so many strategies to use rather than yelling. I also have prayed and prayed for the ability to exercise more patience and love when disciplining my children, but instead of feeling like it should just come naturally, and if it doesn't it isn't my fault, I have made the conscious effort to be patient and loving. I am pleased to announce that today, January 21, 2015 is day three (in a row) without a single yell coming from my mouth. *the angels rejoice!* These have been probably the three most blissful days of my I-have-two-children life! No one else has really changed. My kids still make messes, they still argue, and refuse to share, and scream when they don't get what they want (mainly my 1 1/2 year old), but I have changed the way I react to the situation. 

     Rather than yell a sharp "HEY!" at the initial sound of a scuffle (which leads to more yelling), I quietly take care of it with love and calmness. 
     When my 4-year old whines and cried and keeps begging for the thing I refused her earlier, I whisper; quieter and quieter each time until she can barely hear me. And a miraculous thing occurs: she stops whining and crying and begging and says, "ok mommy" just like she used to, but I never had to raise my voice, and there are a lot less tears. 
     I am constantly reminding my child (secretly for myself) that Heavenly Father and Jesus are watching and would not want us to yell and scream. 
     Rather than yell at her to clean up her toys a million times, I simply help her, even though I didn't make the mess (which is what I used to yell at her when she asked me to help after being told a million times to clean up). Or, I just clean up without asking for her to join me, and she always joins. {Side note: I think of it now as a service I am rendering to my children, rather than a pain in my butt and just one more thing to do. Much like when I put away my husband's clean clothes or cook dinner without even thinking about it, I am here to serve my family. This is the season of my life right now. And through my service, I will teach my children to do the same.}
     We have giggled and tickled more in the last three days than in the last several months combined. It amazes me what three days of kindness can do to a family dynamic. I am so grateful that I have began making these changes. I am sure, no, positive that moments will still come when I will fail. But, I am now praying that those moments become less and less common as the days go on and that my sweet children will remember a kind, calm, loving mom, even when disciplining. I look forward to the positive, wonderful experiences of mothering being so strong and common in my life, that they can buoy me up when times are rough; because, let's be honest: being a mom is hard. And in just three days, I can honestly say that I am loving being a mom.

My daughter now says, "We never yell, unless we are hurt or the house is on fire." It makes my heart smile. 

Posted by Jessica 

Library Book Realization

So this isn’t a “how-to” or even a creative post, it’s just a “this is my life” post.

I’ve been a mom of one child for two and a half years and I’m pretty used to it, but I’ve only been a mom of two kids for seven and a half weeks.  Life has been interesting lately, and it takes a lot to get used to having two kids. I feel like I’m constantly busy, and at the end of the day not much has been accomplished, besides feeding my baby.  Most days feel like this:

There are the occasional days that I actually have things planned and we’re out the door and productive, but not perfect.  When I took my newborn to her 3-day  checkup with the pediatrician I took her diaper off to put her on the scale, and threw it away because she had pooped, go back in to the room and realize I didn’t have a diaper for her, or wipes….or ANYTHING! I had left the diaper bag in house by the door.  Luckily while waiting for the doctor she didn’t pee (or poop!), and they have diapers for patients when things like this happen.  Needless to say, I learned from that mistake and now have diapers and wipes in the cubbies in the door for both of my girls.

Evenings are the most difficult part of the day. My baby has colic that starts when I need to cook dinner and lasts long past my desired bedtime.  Putting a two year old to bed while your infant is crying is quite the challenge.  Luckily my husband has been on a break from school for the holidays, and now that he’s started up again with school he has the ability to be home for bedtime.  I don’t know how I would do it without him!

I constantly feel tired and like I need a nap, but when I’m given an opportunity to nap I can’t sleep…I could live without that irony. I was texting my mom the other night while I was awkwardly sitting in bed with the baby sleeping in my lap, not daring to move out of fear of waking her.  I had sent a selfie of the two of us to my mom, where her reply mentioned how I looked really tired and how she was sorry I was up so late every night.  I decided that as moms we must have a super power to be able to survive the next day.  That’s got to be it, we are SUPERMOMS!

Last night somewhere in the middle of the night while feeding my baby, I was looking through my instagram account and smiling at the cute pictures of my kids.  I came across a video of my toddler going through a library book that we had read numerous times, and she was “reading” it all by herself.  One of my favorite things is that she LOVES books.  We love to go to story time at the library, then pick out new books to bring home.  We had done that about a week before my sweet baby was born and we ended up returning the books and not getting new ones for a few weeks.  I realized that there were books we had returned that I hadn’t even opened.  My toddler had flipped through them, but I didn’t get a chance to read them to her.  This morning when I heard her wake up rather than going in to the living room, turning on PBS and opting for more sleep, I sat on the couch with her, pulled over her tub of library books, and read them all with her.  We made animal noises, tickled each other, counted, and had a blast.

Not a flattering picture, but it's proof we had time for just the two of us.

I realized that I’m going through the motions, and things seem to be business all day.  I feel like I’m constantly saying, “not right now; please stop; in a minute; let’s do something else ”.  There are good times each day, like when my baby looks in my eyes and smiles a little, and when my toddler says “I want to sit err(your) lap mom” and I have room for her because I’m not feeding the baby, but I want more of those moments.  I have decided to take more time to make those moments.  More moments of one-on-one time with my girls.  More time doing the things my toddler wants to do, instead of just turning on the TV so I can get things done.  More laughter, more dancing, and more fun.
I know things will get better with the colic, and feeding will be less frequent, and I’ll be able to shower more often, but until then I’m choosing to take the times in between to remember to make more moments and not just let time pass.